“My death-ray stare was useless because the theater was dark and I couldn't pinpoint the exact source of the candy fondler.”

“Any phenomenon that gives rise to Mr. Whipple, the hypocritical fondler of Charmin toilet paper, has much to answer for.”

“What is true in nature is true in tech-biz: necessity may be the mother of invention, but invention, as often as not, is merely the illicit fondler of fashion.”