“Okay, the Portuguese preener has been known to miss the odd penalty when Chelsea fans are baying for his blood.”

“I have enough problems getting myself to look presentable in the morning without having to fight for mirror space with a male preener.”

“Ronaldo was never shy of talking himself up at Manchester United and Nani, his natural successor, has taken on the mantle of Old Traff o r d ' s c h i e f preener.”